I had a grand mal seizure. Want to hear?
October 13, 2009So. I had booked what sounded like a pretty neat job… I didn’t know much more about it than that I’d be participating in an “expert panel” for MSN in the tech/gadget arena in Palos Verdes on October 12/13th, and my birthday actually fell on that first day, so I thought, well, huh, I’ve agreed to be working that day anyway, so why not fly down to LA for the previous weekend and see all my friends?
The MSN folks had arranged a car service for me, so as I descended down into baggage claim from a pleasant, wifi-enabled 1.4 hour flight, I saw a jovial older British guy with the ponytail holding my “LANE” sign (obviously at that time I had no idea he was British or jovial, but now it’s stuck in my memory). Anyway, nice guy. Led me to a Lincoln Towncar and didn’t blink an eye when I asked to be driven into Venice instead of straight to the hotel in Palos Verdes (where I’d been put up for the weekend by MSN). See, I just wanted to have brunch in Venice first. That’s all I wanted to do! Couple hours tops, two days before actual work. Slight chance of shopping. Slight!
So Venice resident Damon Berger (the future person to save my life, though I didn’t know that last part yet) and I walked two blocks from his brand-new kickass little bachelory beach bungalow to Abbot Kinney Blvd, the hipstery granola beautiful people main drag. We took our time choosing a place (which was nothing new, because we’re both picky about our food/service/sun exposure in our own ways) and settled on an organic/German/everything brunch spot called 3 Square.
We sat outside along the edge of the East/West wall at a 2-person table, just out of direct sun. Now here’s where everything gets fuzzy, because I remember certain things I said over the next five or so minutes, some of which were actually heard and have been backed up on official record, and some refuted for total inaccuracy/whimsy/fake language not recognized by any linguistics expert, anywhere. I remember asking to add mushrooms to an otherwise mushroom-free omelette, and was later told that I commented on how good bircher muesli was (it was an item on the menu). I remember the former but not the latter. Basically this is right around the time where things were falling apart upstairs. Keep in mind it was 11:30 am.. nobody was partying.
At this point, the really truly last thing I do remember is Damon looking across the table at me in a very concerned way and asking me if I was ok. “Sarah, are you ok? Seriously, are you ok?” And I heard him, and I saw him, and I couldn’t answer him. I could NOT stop whatever was coming. And that’s when I blacked out.
I’ve been told that at this point my entire body began convulsing, my eyes rolled back into my head, my mouth bled from where I had bit into it, and my lips turned blue. I guess that means I wasn’t breathing… blue lips? It wasn’t cold outside. Damon grabbed me and had someone pull my chair out from under me, brought me to the ground, and yelled for someone to call an ambulance. Apparently it arrived within about five minutes… good thing we weren’t dining in South Central. Damon would later tell me that he was convinced I was having either a heart attack or a stroke and dying right then and there, in his arms, and that it was the scariest moment of his entire life. I’m terribly grateful not to remember this part.
What I do remember is waking up in the back of an ambulance, an EMT to my left, Damon to my right. Now, this sounds really crazy and stupid but my initial thought was that I was being kidnapped, because when I begged to be let go they tried to hold me down and soothe me and keep in mind that I had no idea what had happened at the restaurant. I was in the back of a van and a strange man wanted to put a needle in my arm. I believe I kicked him. (EMT guy, I’m sorry I acted so badly with you, I know you were just trying to help. Keep on keepin on.)
I was admitted to Marina Del Ray Hospital, a place that I never knew existed, even though I lived less than ten miles away for two years. Kind of a small-town, kitchy feel to the place, and I say that with no disrespect- the kind of hospital where you don’t feel lost in the sterile shuffle of modern medicine. I was completely doped up for my 2.5-day stay, so forgive my swiss cheese memory, but I do know that the first IV drip I got was phenobarbital, the MOST WONDERFUL DRUG IN THE UNIVERSE, and also the #1 anti-seizure medication prescribed to dogs. Yay trivia! This is a little embarrassing to admit, but after four hours of intervenous intergalactic planetary space flight, I spent the rest of my hospital stay trying to come up with reasons why the nurses should give me more phenobarbital. (They never did, because they are mean, cruel nurses and only out for themselves.)
First test I got was a cat scan, which was a piece of cake… sort of like a mini-MRI. I think the next one was my actual MRI (which I was particularly sedated for, since I had heard it was a really claustrophobic experience… totally fell asleep in there). The third test was an EEG, which was a series of wires and suction cups attached to my scalp. I’ve never looked uglier…fact. There may or may not be a few iPhone pictures to back me up, but just take my word for it.
Anyway, so yeah. 400 tests, strong drugs, really nice nurses, and some not-that-horrible hospital food. Besides the circumstances under which I was there, I really think it could have been worse. My hospital roommate was Mrs. Jimenez, who had literally had BRAIN SURGERY several times already. A lovely woman with a great family, and I hope she gets better.
I’m now on a drug called Phenytoin (brand name Dilantin), which I take three times a day and has one of the worst list of side effects I’ve ever read. You guys, it’s almost funny it’s so bad. This is anti-epilepsy medication, which nobody really thinks I have, but is my best overall seizure suppressant until I get a clear diagnosis and better treatment options with a local neurologist here in San Francisco. I hate it and I hate the way it makes me feel. I feel slow… not funny, not smart. I am not legally allowed to drive a car. Plus, I’m not supposed to drink alcohol, which is ONLY THE ELIXIR OF LIFE, NOTHING BIG.
They think I might have cysticercosis, likely contracted during my year traveling abroad. It’s pretty gross. I’ve actually tested negative for it already, but they also think I have something called a blood-brain barrier, which might cause me to test inaccurately in tests such as these. BECAUSE I NEED AS MUCH OF A CHALLENGE AS POSSIBLE WHEN IT COMES TO MY BRAIN.
So that’s where I am now. I have my first neurology appointment here in SF on Tuesday, and we’ll go from there. Think positive! I also just wanted to thank everyone who’s called me or written me or bought me beautiful flowers (McCloskey), sent various notes of support and encouragement, etc. I hope I can get back to all of you, but just know I’m reading everything and really appreciating the love.
A quick but heartfelt congratulatory note to my cousin Martin and his beautiful bride Rebeca, who are getting married in Boston on Saturday in a gorgeous, joyful ceremony that I’m devastated to have to miss. A match made in heaven if there ever was one!
Reader Comments (151)
All of the mundane details serve to make the tale quite frightening.
I like the happy hospital pictures. Happy Birthday and be well.
Im so sorry to hear that Sarah, that's some crazy shit huh Really glad your ok. Get well soon. Listened to TWIF "Martin comes out" this AM, best show yet... being in the cottage is the way to go. Ok im babblin. peace and get healthy soon :) Massimo...... a fan
Scary stuff, Sarah. I mean really - mushrooms on an omelette?
Seriously, though, it's good to see you're feeling better and back to blogging. Hope your path to a full recovery is a clear and short one...
I've got to say, seeing the title of this post in my google reader freaked me out. Thank Damon you're ok, Happy Birthday and Get Well Sarah!
Crap Sarah, I really hope you're back to 100% soon. I know what it's like to go through stuff like this, I find it really scary to have such huge memory blanks. Get well soon Ms Lane!
So glad you're through that and hoping that the worst is past! This fanboy is worried! Gah. At least the meds sound good.
I'm sure you're going to/already are sick of hearing this from all your fans (and family and freind) BUT: Glad to hear you're feeling better, stay safe, and happy birthday!
dang, sweet girl! I'm so glad you're recovering.
My best thoughts are coming straight for your brain...
but not in the zombie way...
Well, maybe a little zombie-ish... cause zombies are cool.
@kelsnotchels
I have a seizure disorder myself that started a few years ago so I know how scary that all is when something like that starts out of the blue. Mine are from my Lupus as it turns out.
I know exactly what you are talking about with the memory loss. Mine actually can extend for days before my seizures. In many ways, having a seizure disorder is scarier for the people who love me than it is for me. I don't remember the buildup to the seizures and I'm unconscious during them. My husband has had to witness them and he actually remembers them.
I hope you get answers soon and the problem isn't serious. You're in my thoughts.
I'm sorry you had to go through something so scary and I hope you are fully recovered soon. As usual, I'm amazed by your ability to share your life with some humor (and education) thrown in. And I'm worried about you!
Thinking of you and sending you good thoughts and hugs. Please tell your furballs to take good care of you. =^..^=
crazy stuff. Hopefully it's nothing too serious or permanent. Get well soon!
Wow, Sarah, I'm just glad you are okay. I totally freaked out when I saw your tweet about it. Don't let the doctors push you around or dismiss you. They will try to do that. I had to see a neurologist once, too. I was having dizzy spells, turns out it was a side effect of a medication I was on. Try to get into see the neurologist ASAP. Hope you are feeling better at least, and to see you back on TWIF with Marty soon. Take care, your fan Max.
Sarah--that indeed is a scary account. My cousin sister in India discovered that she too had a seizure disorder that has to do with a lesion on her brain. It's a hard condition to manage, but she is doing okay as long as she keeps away from any sort of stress [what usually causes the episodes]. I am really happy that someone was there, Sarah, I mean I think it was something of higher forces that you were supposed to be in Venice with our friend Damon at the time. I know that Damon reacts very well in situations like this--I remember when our tech at Revision3 had that accident in studio. Damon was alert, on his feet, and helped him promptly without breaking a sweat. Good hands to be in, Sarah & I am glad you are home! Get well!
Sarah,
Thank you for sharing this scary event with us, and it's wonderful you had such a reliable, steady friend there to make sure you were safe. Sending you all the best from Vermont, where you're always welcome to come and relax, recoup and rest :) We love ya up here!
Bob
Thanks for all your tidbits of the tech scene in blog form and in video. I hope that the doctors take good care of you and wish you all the best.
Wow that is amazing. I'm so glad you are okay not a great birthday but at least you are alive and well. I hope something will found out as to the cause of this and that it can be prevented in the future.
WHOA, omg. I hope that's a one-time thing.. Sounds scary!
Get well soon..
(This is really weird. I watch TWiF usually, and I looked you up in Wikipedia just to read up on your professional history.. and then it ends with an oh yeah and she had a seizure a few days ago. WTF)
Im so glad you're ok!
I was really shocked when I read this post earlier, but I'm happy that you are (somewhat) okay. Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best.
I cried while reading this. I love you and I always need you to be OK. We've never met; I'm nobody special. But the real, tangible and positive impact you've had on my life can't be overstated.
Hey, you added a couple of paragraphs since I read this the first time. Poor EMT. Those guys deserve a huge round of applause for what they do everyday.
One of the two times I was in an ambulance the EMT asked if it was alright with me if they listened to some music. I said it was and she told the driver to turn on the music. So, for the rest of the trip they sang along with Tool. OK with me. I was twenty something and a bit of a Tool fan. But I've always wondered if they had different music for different passengers or if they tricked old ladies into being serenaded with "Prison Sex"
Oh wow, this is the first I'd heard of this. I am so glad to hear you're at least up and online. I am constantly dreading hearing something like this from all these people online I don't really know but have spent so many years listening and watching in various forms. You were the last person I thought something like this would happen to, Sarah.
Take your time and get better, Martin can handle runnin TWiF all on his own!
On second thought, hurry up before he dooms the show! ;)
J
This happens. Usually those around you will be more frightened than you are. Heat, fatigue, excitement, are frequently factors. The lesion could be a flare, or a real lesion. Watch for small episodes, where you feel disassociated, just out of sync, but that pass after a moment. (That's like sober, not partying out of sync:-). Time will tell. Relax, worrying won't help.
This is just about the scariest thing I've read this year Sarah!
You have added details since I read this on your Facebook note yesterday morning and they make this even more frightening and desperate...I am SO glad that you survived and although you may be facing some more medical treatment before you recover completely, I have confidence that you will make a speedy recovery - Sarah 2.0 perhaps? ;-)
You remain in my thoughts and all my positive energy is yours for the taking! I'm sending it your way!
Be well and STAY CLASSY! :-)
It's great to hear from you! I'm glad you're okay and I really hope everything goes well for you.
Stay healthy and awesome!
Big Shocker! Before I read ur post, I wasn't sure it was serious. But afterwards, this is serious! Get well soon Sarah!
I'm very much glad to hear that you are okay and that the situation is under control. Anything neurological is a very scary thing indeed...the human brain is such a ridiculously complex organ!
It's nice to see that you are treating this situation with at least some levity....happiness is one of the best healers!
Get better!
Hello dear Sarah,
So sorry to hear that happened but extemely glad that your ok and getting better. Friends, family and those of us who know you only through the magic of the interwebs.. :) (myself included) are wishing you a quick and swift recovery. Oh.. very very happy b-lated birthday my friend..
macbook, balloon.. and whats Kambucha..?
sending you best wishes all the way south from texas..
always
-francisco
Hang in there Sarah - you have lots of people that care about you and want you to have a speedy recovery through this. And honestly, I don't think there's any medication that could make you NOT funny. I mean, seriously... come on. :-)
Beyond glad that you are alive and getting well. The entire experience sounds terrifying, and Mr. Berger is a true champion for helping to save you...I don't know what I would do with the internet if one of my favorites was gone from it. And for that matter, my weeks in fun would be ruined.
God bless, Sarah! I really hope you feel better soon! I know it can be scary.
Hi Sarah,
I have been a fan of yours since the techtv days. I just wanted to say I was on dylantin for the first 10 years of my life. I had a few seizures that almost killed me. This drug makes you feel lethargic until you get used to it. It really helped me, I haven't had a seizure in almost 30 years. I am 40 now.
Hang in there, be strong it will get better.
i hope they find out what is going on...its good that its under control whatever it is. glad your okay!
Dear Sarah,
I hope you do not die.
I mean really.
Get well soon so that you can drink again,
Mitch in NYC
glad to read your hilarious self in this post.
moral of the story: bacon is bad. phenobarbital is good.
Hi Sarah, Wow. I've been a fan since back in the days of TechTV and Screen Savers, as are many here I'm sure. I've always admired your work and especially the take life by the horns nature with which you seem to approach it. I watched TSS LA, the travel blogs, those early Gazettes with CrackerJack reporter Sarah Lane, and I try but don't always do a great job of catching This Week in Fun on the East Coast O:-)
Mostly keep that positive attitude and great smile, it does wonders when dealing with stuff like this. Best wishes, get well, and keep on being you, because frankly an Internet without Sarah is no Internet at all.
Take care, just a fan....Justin
WOW, Thats very scary! Heres to a full recovery! :cheers:
Oh wait.. no alcohol. I hope you like tea;)
Sarah...
I can pretty well imagine that was really scary. Especially if you haven't had much medical issues in the past. I have friends who have taken that drug. I know it isn't fun...but if it keeps you healthy until they find a cause...take it.
I will be sending you good vibes.
Hospitals are the pits, especially on your birthday. I am on a ventilator 24/7 and I know the unknown of what doctors are trying to find out is a bit much.
I have watched you on TSS with Leo, read about your travels years ago, and occasionally keep up with you and your happenings on facebook. You friended me there...but I am just a fan from way back when.
I wish you well.....stay safe....and I am sending you good vibes that medical issues are cleared up soon.
Peace
annette
Given those events... I think it's fantastic you got out of bed this morning! Keep the positve outlook and hopefully it was nothing more than a bad mushroom (OK a lame attempt at a joke). Get well
Sending you daimoku from here in Texas. Your strength and humor are evident. And your writing? Excellent. xo
Get well soon!
When my daughter had her first grand mal seizure, it was the worst experience of my life. I was terrified because I didn't know what was happening and I didn't know if she was dying or not. So, I know how your friend, Damon, must have felt. You will adjust to the medication. Give it some time. In any case, your fans are thinking about you and wishing you a thorough diagnosis and quick recovery!
Good to hear you're alright. When I was really young, I had pretty bad seizures including some where I almost died. Fortunately that seemed to go away after about 3 years. Thankfully I have never had to deal with that again and I was young enough that I don't really remember it ( I do sometimes have very vague memories of lying in the hospital for some reason when I was very young but nothing that I can really derive bad memories from.)
I hope the medication you take doesn't cause too many issues and that they can find a solution quickly. Though I'm sure you might be thinking of trying to get some more phenobarbital ;)
Really glad you're okay! Overjoyed in fact. The world would not be the same without you.
Sarah,
Long time fan, first time poster. I've been a fan of you work since the TechTV days and wish you all the best for a speedy diagnosis and recovery.
Sarah,
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know it must have been scary as hell to say the least. At least you were with some one when it happened. I hope from all those tests, the doctors will find what caused it and help you through of all of this. I am sure you will be fine in the long run! I have been a loyal fan ever since the Screen Savers days :) And one thing I have learned that your a fighter!! I know you won't let this keep you down. And not to worry.....Beer will not be totally out of your future!! We are all pulling for ya and you are Never alone that is for sure! Take care
Chris
When I first heard of your illness, I about choked. I am so relieved to read that your better. I sincerely hope the diagnosis and treatment are both bearable and not life altering.
Love ya, mean it
Tony Thomason, aka Foxtraffic
Just wanted to join others in saying, despite how you may be feeling right now, your writing is as funny and clever as ever. It was striking what a difference it made in my Twitter stream the days you were missing from it.
Hoping for a quick and full recovery for you.
So glad to hear you're out of hospital and of course best wishes for a full and speedy recovery. Sounds like you're well on your way so that's great!
Worst case, just get your brain removed so you don't have to deal with this nonsense. I'm pretty sure they can do that since you don't really need it. Or is that your appendix? Probably should have paid more attention in biology class. Or watched more episodes of House. Anyway, no doubt someone on Twitter will post completely accurate medical information for you.
Seriously, you need to cover more medical issues on TWiF so we're all better prepared. Many of us solely rely on True or Poo for our information!
With love and best wishes,
The Internet
Fingers crossed for you, SarLa. I hope everything turns out for the best!