What I did three days after the lunar eclipse and two days before Xmas in 2010.

So here I am at the office, waiting to jump onto one of the editing stations to finish up episode 25 of iPad Today. It’s the last day of actual work for most of us before the holiday weekend and the editors are all still finishing up other projects, so I’m basically wasting time till one of them caves and leaves.

Before I started writing this post…

I caught up on my Twitter stream.

I caught up on my Tumblr stream.

I answered a Formspring question and deleted the rest in my queue (they were all weird and/or about Justin Bieber).

I checked my Facebook news feed and got a little more annoyed than usual while scanning my high school friends’  baby pictures, because the babies were all wearing Santa hats or dressed like elves. I imagined that these high school friends probably felt equal disdain for me and considered my status updates the lonely rantings of a sad, childless wino.

I discovered that my cat Lucy had been prominently featured in a Techcrunch post.

I checked to see if anyone had left me a question on VYou (they hadn’t).

I glanced at a Jezebel post about Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery scars because every so often I read things like that to remind myself that there are some really terrifying people out there, and even those people regret getting plastic surgery.

I read a post written by a woman in tech complaining that there are too many articles written about how there are too few women in tech. I mostly agreed with the author, but tried not to overanalyze the subject (my general stance is that I’m too busy being a woman in tech to spend too much time thinking about whether or not there are enough women in tech).

I thought about an anonymous commenter in the TWiT chat room while I was producing my live show earlier today who had said something like “This is so stupid. Real geeks don’t care about any of this. Only girls care about this stuff.” My live show was about iPads and I happened to be demo-ing a ridiculous app that had gotten a ridiculous amount of online press in an effort to prove that the app wasn’t really worth it. The comment had bothered me all day because it made it seem like a) my attempt to be entertaining while proving a point about internet buzz being an echo chamber was worthless, and that b) “real geeks” and “girls”  are not terms that can overlap.

I realized that I was thinking too much about being a woman in tech and decided that the commenter who ruffled my pretty pink lady feathers can go take a long walk off a short pier. ($1k says it was a he. Sorry, but I only have $1k to bet. Actually I have way less than that.)

I had a glass of wine. I considered a second.

I checked on the editing stations. They were still occupied.

And now I’m here, writing a blog post about what I did over the last two hours, because this is some really compelling shit, people. No, actually it’s because writing a blog post has become this thing I regard as a chore because it takes more effort and thought than all the other things I almost always choose to do first, and I felt like giving myself a challenge.

And now I remember something: it’s fun to blog. I can blog about anything I want! Nobody is proof-reading this, at all! You think this post is dumb, ha! You should see some of the things I wrote but deleted before I published this! Oh my god!

(It should be noted that nothing I deleted included a section that promised any of you a 15-minute orgasm. No offense intended toward the author of an actual book that does actually promise such a thing, but I don’t know a single woman in tech who’s interested in that. Partly because, well, that’s just silly, think about how long 15 minutes really is, that would be like sawing your arm off, and partly because petticoats are so time-consuming and cumbersome to remove and we’re all so busy being in tech to waste that kind of time when we could be blogging.)

I am yours. You are mine. We are what we are.

Four days ago was the sixth anniversary of my dad’s passing from our mortal world. An unremarkable anniversary, a little late.

A friend of mine gave birth to her first child not long after my father died. A couple weeks afterward, in fact. At the time in 2004, I was a wreck… an autopilot version of myself. Fully functional on the outside, catatonic on the inside. On the precipice of spending a couple of years living someone else’s life in order to escape the great sorrow that consumed me. And I remember how touched my friend was by my experience as she was about to begin her own. Touched in a way I didn’t understand beyond knowing that it’s a big deal to have a child. A happiness I was (and still am) incapable of totally pulling together.

This same friend brought up my father’s death the other night as we were catching up, sipping wine at some trendy bar I had suggested. The topic was completely appropriate and unquestionably appreciated. And I am deeply ashamed to admit that if she hadn’t said anything, the date wouldn’t have triggered anything in my mind. At all. I had forgotten that September 20th was the day my dad died.

I’m not some sort of a monster. I mean, ask me the details of the day my dad died and I’ll tell you that it was a Monday, and it was late, and I was sitting in my living room chatting on IM in my pajamas when the phone rang… and it was a call I expected, so that when the news was delivered I felt some kind of gross satisfaction that yes, this was the exact call I expected to get just now and here it is, I’m right… and then I walked around the block 40 times chain-smoking cigarettes because I had mentally left my body and was immune to reason and judgment and nothing irresponsible I did mattered because all I wanted was to be closer to him. I remember taking a shower to get the smoke off me and thinking that if this was all a dream, I’d be so impressed because oh how it felt so real. I remember that earlier the same day I reluctantly told my boss that I was probably going to have to take some time off, because I knew it was coming, and telling him that made it real, and it didn’t want to have the conversation but by doing it I was being responsible career-wise. And I told him and we both cried. And then what I knew would happen, happened.

I haven’t forgotten any of it. Yet six years later, September 20th was just another day, and I let it go by, and I didn’t call my mother. And I realize that our brains do these things to us because we need protection, we need to go easy on ourselves, we need to forget in order to be productive. We need to be successes and we need to get things done and we just can’t bring the bad stuff into the fray because then we won’t be productive and people will think less of us. I realize all of that. And yet, I’m ashamed.

I miss you, Dad. I’m sorry I forgot. And I wish you were here to smile knowingly at all of this, because I know you would. I got this from you. And then you’d wink at me because you know how much I hate it and I’d yell at you and be SO ANNOYED.

How’s that for my first blog post in four months? Whew. Weight lifted. Shoulders back. Thanks for reading.

Break out the bubbly... I'm joining TWiT!!!

I have some very exciting news. As many of you delicious TWiT fans are already well aware, I’m joining the team!

A little background on how this came to be, presented in a helpful vertical timeline format:

2001 - Leo Laporte and I begin working together on the daily, live, hour-long tech help/how-to/entertainment show “The Screen Savers” on San Francisco-based cable network TechTV.

2004 - TechTV is sold to Comcast who merges it into Los Angeles-based cable network G4. Leo begins working at G4TechTV in Canada and he and I talk about me joining him there vs. moving to LA to work for G4. For a variety of reasons (one being that I’m not Canadian and somehow unqualified to work at this particular Toronto-based network, and BTW nobody’s ever heard this part of the story before), I move to LA.

2004/5 - Leo begins experimenting with podcasting as an alternative to traditional broadcasting, laying the foundation for what will eventually be known as TWiT.tv, the internet’s tech network and a true pioneer of both subscription-based audio/video downloads and live streaming content.

2007 - After a couple years in LA and another year abroad, I settle back in San Francisco and Leo and I talk about how I might be a good fit to work at TWiT. At the time I also have an offer from then-emerging internet TV network Revision3, founded by a group of my former colleagues and friends who’ve just received enough funding to pay me a salary to help build out their empire. Long story short, I take the job at Revision3.

2008 - The morning after my first ever appearance on TWiT.tv’s flagship show, “This Week in Tech”, Revision3 drastically reduces its in-house budget by laying off a group of employees, me included. Leo and I resume our conversation about how I can come aboard at TWiT and I begin training on the Tricaster, the live camera/audio/graphics switching system Leo uses to run his shows. As both a fun side project and vehicle for technical practice, fellow TechTV/G4/Revision3 alum Martin Sargent and I begin recording the weekly, ridiculous, awesome show “This Week in Fun” on the TWiT network.

2009 - Having gone back and forth on a variety of partnership and show ideas, Leo is hesitant to bring me into a staff position at TWiT.tv due to a recession-fueled, volatile online advertising market. There are no hard feelings; it’s a tough time for web companies in general. We agree to keep our options open as the year progresses, and I accept a job offer from Current TV to build out their tech video presence on the web. In the meantime, I continue to record “This Week in Fun” at TWiT.

February 24th, 2010 - Current TV decides to focus on its cable TV franchises and cuts much of the web production budget, including my Tech channel. Later that day, Leo and I spark back up our years-long conversation of working together again.

June 1st, 2010 - I will join TWiT as a host, show producer, ass-kicker and name-taker. Leo and I are launching an iPad-based show, which will not only be focused on the best little gadget this side of ANYTHING, but will mark an exciting departure from the current TWiT in-studio format. Can you say “live streaming poolside”? Just kidding. Actually I’m not kidding.

I’ll also be co-hosting a show about green technology with my former TechTV colleague, friend, and new fellow TWiT kicker/taker Tom Merritt. It’s been a long time since Tom and I worked together, and I can’t think of a smarter, cooler guy to partner with on a variety of projects going forward. I’m really excited to see what unfolds.

Today - What we’re about to embark on at TWiT is new and fresh and here and now, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tinge of that old gang starting to get back together again. It’s what I’ve secretly always wanted and it finally feels like it’s happening. Plus, I love the TWiT team, love love love them, what they’ve achieved thus far, and what we’re all about to create. I’m so proud and lucky to be a part of TWiT’s next chapter, and I hope you’ll all come along for the ride.

I’ll be co-hosting “This Week in Tech” this Sunday with Leo and Tom and we’ll talk more about the awesomeness then, along with Carol Bartz’s potty mouth issues. Definitely tune in for more info…or perish, alone and penniless. Up to you.

As always I’ll keep you guys up to date any big announcements here. Thanks for reading! I’ve been sitting on this news for too long, and I couldn’t wait any longer to share it with you. I’m really, really happy, and I hope you are too.

Sincerely, Cordially, Affectionately,
Sarah

PS- To be clear, if you watch any of my future shows on TWiT, you are automatically labeled “delicious” in my Internet Rolodex.

My Travel Record is Humiliating.

Recently, a friend of mine told me about a running competition she has with her husband to see who can visit the most countries beyond the USA, their country of residence. They both travel a lot for work so they’re both in the thirties (he just surpassed her with a trip to Lichtenstein). Then she laughed and said “but you’ve obviously got us both beat, you travel hobag” and pushed me out her 4th floor living room window. Miraculously, I suffered nary a scratch or scrape…only a fractured ego.

Just wanted to see if you were ever going to put down that pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk and pay attention. 

All of the above story is true except the violence part. I pride myself on my wanderlustic (made it up) tendencies, but when my friend said she’d been to thirty-something countries, that number sounded pretty high. So I thought I’d list all the countries, beyond the great US of A, that I’ve been to in my life. And I decided to do it in the form of a blog post because I have no idea how to not live in public. I’m also listing them in order of visit. I’m also obviously excluding multiple visits to the same country, even if the destinations within that country varied wildly in distance or type of visit, which sort of sucks, but those are the rules. I’ve also excluded my 1998 visit to Puerto Rico, because of the whole “self-governing unincorporated territory of the United States” thing. 

1. Mexico
2. Switzerland
3. Italy
4. Germany
5. Austria
6. Canada
7. The Netherlands
8. France
9. Australia
10. England
11. Scotland
12. Wales
13. Ireland
14. Greece
15. Turkey
16. Russia
17. Mongolia
18. China
19. Vietnam
20. Laos
21. Cambodia
22. Indonesia
23. India
24. Brazil
25. Argentina
26. Japan

Twenty six. TWENTY MOTHERFREAKING SIX?! I cannot believe I’m getting my ass handed to me by a couple of working stiffs. I mean, they’re totally awesome people and deserve all the happiness in the world, but you get my point. I’m going to go cry into a bottle of wine from New Zealand, a country I haven’t been to yet, now. And convince myself that both my friend and her husband are liars. And reconsider hanging out with them. And maybe start planning a whirlwind tour of every corner of Africa. 

Enjoy your ice cream.

I'm back in baby's arms. How I missed those lovin' arms. I'm back where I belong, back in baby's arms.