Colon Watch 2007

Things I've eaten post-Master Cleanse this week, in order of appearance:

• A small reservoir's worth of diluted orange juice
• 2 ruby red grapefruits
• 1 apple
• 2 fruit smoothies (1 banana, scoop of blueberries, scoop of raspberries, splash of soy milk)
• 1 nectarine
• 2 tomatoes
• 7 spoonfuls of crunchy almond butter
• 1 large bowl of shrimp wonton soup with rice noodles
• 1 Amy's cheddar cheese burrito
• 4 pieces of Neuhaus dark chocolates

I probably dove back into the hard stuff a bit soon, but what the hey. Life is short.

The Master Cleanse: Day Ten

It's over!
It's over!
It's over!

I'm tres excited to be easing back into the land of the eating tomorrow morning. Even if it's just juice and veggie broth, it's a start. The Master Cleanse fast has been an interesting journey, but I'm ready to be normal again.

I lost about six pounds over the last ten days. That's not much compared to many people, who, depending on their starting weight, claim to lose 20 or 30 lbs in the same amount of time. I like to think it's because I ate pretty healthily to begin with and didn't need to shed as much. Who knows? Everybody's different. I fully expect to gain back the weight as I'll be returning to my former pescetarian diet (hello, sushi!). For the record, my itchy skin is thriving as if nothing happened, so it's either not a food allergy, or I'm also allergic to lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, or a combination of all three.

I will honestly say that I never experienced euphoria at any point during the cleanse. I either felt fine or not fine, but I never felt excellent. Even though the hunger went away after a few days, the psychological yearning for food never did, and that was pretty unpleasant at times. I've read a lot of accounts of people feeling "amazing" from fasting. I wish I could say the same, but there's no point in embellishing. For me, it was more of a mind-over-matter challenge, and I'm glad I didn't give up.

Fasting enthusiasts argue that it may take upwards of 20 days to achieve that "fully cleansed" aura, but I'm not willing to wait it out. Ten days is plenty. If it hasn't passed through by now, it probably doesn't exist. And anyway, I really must be getting back to my cheese and crackers. 

Oh, and I appreciate all the encouragment and feedback. Really. It was fun to share this experience with all of you, and knowing that you were cheering me on (or ridiculing me, whatever) really did keep me from quitting a few times. So, thanks. I'll go ahead and step off the podium now.

The Master Cleanse: Day Nine

Today was a-ok. I took another yoga class and came out feeling like a million bucks. I'm also ecstatic that tomorrow's my final fast day! I've gotten pretty used to my routine, and while it's been nice not having to spend any food or drink-related money, I'm ready for this experience to be over.

For those of you wondering what I'm going to eat first, the answer's rather anti-climactic: orange juice. Yes, I have to ease myself back into regular food slowly, starting with OJ, vegetable broth, and then salads and assorted fruits and veggies over the course of a few days. Supposedly I've turned my stomach into a delicate flower that will reject anything else I try to feed it immediately post-fast. But if I had my way and could eat absolutely anything I wanted, I'd probably go for a tuna melt. With extra cheese. Something to look forward to next week, I suppose.

The Master Cleanse: Day Eight

Ok, yesterday was obviously a bad day. Today is better.

A big part of my mood has to do with the time of day, which always starts out well. I wake up at 6 a.m., do my bathroom-salt water flush-bathroom dance for at least an hour, mix and measure out six servings of lemonade, get ready for work, and so on. I'm too busy to care that I'm not eating a greek omelette. Well, almost too busy. Greek omelettes are pretty fabulous.

During the day, I'm fine between my lemonade and plain water for a good eight hours. However, around 6 p.m. liquid fatigue sets in and I start getting antsy. My mind wanders through dessert menus (and always rests on the chocolate cheesecake). Getting through the next few traditional dinner hours are the worst. I really like to cook, and I feel pointless sitting around not making anything. My bad mood reaches a crescendo around 8 p.m. and in an effort to stay busy rather than undress a package of Annie's Mac 'n Cheese with my eyes, I usually write these updates. So, yeah.

Today really is better, though. I went to my first yoga class since starting the cleanse, which was a very good call. Not only did it feel great physically, but I think all that breathing and stretching helped melt away some of my negativity. I got a little weak at times during the class, but at no point did I feel like I couldn't handle it. Probably should have been doing yoga from the beginning.

Last night, I seriously contemplated throwing in the towel early. But today's a new day, and I'm pushing on. I'm so close.

The Master Cleanse: Day Seven

I'm sick of this cleanse. I want to eat. I want to chew and swallow. I want pasta. Beans. Cheese and crackers. Hell, I miss food so much I'd consider a piece of turkey. Whatever breakthrough I made early in the week seems to be receding, and fast. What's wrong with me?

The last two days I've had bouts of heartburn, presumably from all the cayenne pepper. I know Master Cleanse believers will tell me that it's just my body expelling toxins, but I'm not so sure. What if I'm just frying my organs? My itchy skin certainly isn't clearing up. And I don't know why I'm the only person who isn't "eliminating" solids, but that hasn't happened since I stopped eating seven days ago. I keep waiting for a big payoff, but I'm starting to think there isn't one.

I really don't want to quit, but I definitely don't want to feel this way for three more days. Sigh.

PS- Patty noted in the comments that someone must be posing as me again, since I said a long time ago that I wouldn't post in the comments anymore. Patty's right, I did say that. But I've changed my mind. I like being part of the conversation.