My Travel Record is Humiliating.

Recently, a friend of mine told me about a running competition she has with her husband to see who can visit the most countries beyond the USA, their country of residence. They both travel a lot for work so they’re both in the thirties (he just surpassed her with a trip to Lichtenstein). Then she laughed and said “but you’ve obviously got us both beat, you travel hobag” and pushed me out her 4th floor living room window. Miraculously, I suffered nary a scratch or scrape…only a fractured ego.

Just wanted to see if you were ever going to put down that pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk and pay attention. 

All of the above story is true except the violence part. I pride myself on my wanderlustic (made it up) tendencies, but when my friend said she’d been to thirty-something countries, that number sounded pretty high. So I thought I’d list all the countries, beyond the great US of A, that I’ve been to in my life. And I decided to do it in the form of a blog post because I have no idea how to not live in public. I’m also listing them in order of visit. I’m also obviously excluding multiple visits to the same country, even if the destinations within that country varied wildly in distance or type of visit, which sort of sucks, but those are the rules. I’ve also excluded my 1998 visit to Puerto Rico, because of the whole “self-governing unincorporated territory of the United States” thing. 

1. Mexico
2. Switzerland
3. Italy
4. Germany
5. Austria
6. Canada
7. The Netherlands
8. France
9. Australia
10. England
11. Scotland
12. Wales
13. Ireland
14. Greece
15. Turkey
16. Russia
17. Mongolia
18. China
19. Vietnam
20. Laos
21. Cambodia
22. Indonesia
23. India
24. Brazil
25. Argentina
26. Japan

Twenty six. TWENTY MOTHERFREAKING SIX?! I cannot believe I’m getting my ass handed to me by a couple of working stiffs. I mean, they’re totally awesome people and deserve all the happiness in the world, but you get my point. I’m going to go cry into a bottle of wine from New Zealand, a country I haven’t been to yet, now. And convince myself that both my friend and her husband are liars. And reconsider hanging out with them. And maybe start planning a whirlwind tour of every corner of Africa. 

Enjoy your ice cream.

Springing forward

It’s that time of year in San Francisco where the weather can go any which way… sunny and hot, rainy and muggy, foggy and windy, or a combination of all three scenarios within any four hours. Which is one of the main reasons I live here. The unpredictability of how it will all end keeps things interesting, like relationships, or this. 

Other things I love about San Francisco (a not-at-all complete list):

1. You can wear jeans anywhere. If a venue is a no-jeans place, it’s probably one of those douchey, dress to impress B&T clubs anyway. Now, I completely understand that it’s nice to put on something besides jeans when you’re in the mood, totally get that. But listen here and listen good: jeans can be made plenty dressy, people. I own jeans that have set me back over $200, and I know that makes me psychotic, I’m acutely aware that I will most likely never own a home because of my frivolous, compulsive, sickening behavior, but it also means that I WILL WEAR JEANS IF I SO DESIRE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH THE END. So, SF works for me in that respect where other cities do not. Mad/psychotic props. 
2. Day drinking: not frowned upon. Encouraged. Applauded, even. 
3. Victorian architecture. I had a friend (originally from the Bay Area, as I am) tell me the other day that she’s “kinda over” Victorians. I don’t get that at all. The longer I live here the more I appreciate the color/uniqueness/detail of it all. 14 foot ceilings, bitches! Gold crown moldings! GOLD! 
4. It’s-Its - if you live in SF and have never enjoyed a mint It’s-It, then you either moved here within the last three years and have lazy local friends, or are some sort of weird person who claims they don’t like ice cream. I don’t believe you, btw. 
5. Eucalyptus trees - which are not native to Northern California, a fun little trivia nugget a lot of folks (even Californians) don’t know… they were brought in from Australia back in the 1850s and planted far and wide, thought to be great sources for timber. Turns out they’re shit for timber and don’t fare well in fires or storms. Still, I grew up among eucalyptus trees. They’re beautiful, they smell great, and, imported or not, have been fragrantly abundant in San Francisco parks a lot longer than any of us have.
6. Food! Glorious food! San Francisco is a culinary mecca. You will eat well here. Even those who preach about how SF is so dirty and full of hippies will still agree with me on this point. 
7. Proximity to wine country/dense redwood forests/idyllic beaches/snowy mountains/and so on. I’m not saying a lot of other cities aren’t also in close proximity to the whole nature thing, but I think the Bay Area has everybody beat in terms of a 3-hour drive radius. And I’ve been to a lot of cities. If you think I’m wrong, let me know… but I don’t think I’m wrong.
8. In general, the residents of this city will not look down upon you for using your iPhone/Android/Palm-hahaha just kidding, good one Sarah/smartphone in mixed company. Yes, there are a few restaurants who uphold the whole “we reserve the right to kick you out for using your cell” policy, which I tend to support because they’re talking about those assholes who talk loudly on their phones. That’s not who I’m talking about. I’m talking about nerds checking into location-based apps, updating social network statuses, etc. The gadget-gazers. The people who consider themselves social butterflies but go out of their way not to actually have to make phone calls. My people. 
9. I’ve heard both women and men complain about how hard it is to meet that special someone in San Francisco. I don’t really understand what the issue is. In my humble but also extremely intelligent opinion, this city is chock full of attractive souls doing fascinating things and being generally nice to one another. Everybody’s cute and happy and wearing jeans. Don’t count on meeting Mr(s) Right in the bathroom line at McTeague’s and I think you’ll be ok. 
10. Did I mention this? 

Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be a high of 68, which may or may not be the case come tomorrow. Ok with me, SF. Do your worst.  

25 Random Things About Me

If you're a Facebook user, you've likely been tagged in a note from a friend listing off random things about themselves and asking you to do the same (it's kind of an epidemic, really). But because so many of you aren't my Facebook friends yet, I figured I'd cut-&-paste my contributions here.

**I (lovingly) stole Veronica Belmont's idea of cheating on the rules of this exercise by not tagging anyone. So many people have tagged me that I got overwhelmed, but I still want to play. Below are the rules I'm rebelliously not following:

FACEBOOK RULES: Once you've been tagged, you're supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. When I was a kid, I thought I hated lasagna and wouldn't eat it for years. Bizarre.
2. My eyes are green, but they sometimes look hazel or gold. Bright green if I cry.
3. In 3rd grade I wrote a mean thing in another kid's yearbook and got in trouble. I was trying to be clever, but he was really hurt and I still feel bad about it to this day.
4. I'm the youngest member of my family who still has the "Lane" surname.
5. I have an obsession with symmetry... for example, the way eggs are arranged in a carton.
6. I'd rather be funny than pretty.
7. I love going to expensive open houses and imagining where I'd put all my things.
8. I can't decide if I love beer or wine more. I think it's wine. I think.
9. As an only child, I have to remind myself that it's not always my way or the highway.
10. I love rainy, cloudy, windy, stormy days. They have personality.
11. I find it very challenging to get through a novel these days because I'm always online.
12. I need 8 hours of sleep per night in order to feel amazing.
13. I love performing on TV, but public speaking frightens me.
14. I'm not crazy about the color blue.
15. One day if I'm really lucky, I'll have an outdoor hot tub among redwood trees.
16. Sometimes I wonder if my wanderlust will ever let me truly settle down.
17. I'm extremely jumpy. I don't know why.
18. I hate it when people ruin The National Anthem with showoff vocals.
19. I was a cheerleader in junior high.
20. My favorite feature is my long eyelashes.
21. I'm uncomfortable playing team sports. I think it's fear of failure/letting people down.
22. I make my bed every day.
23. I have a hard time saying no.
24. My most prized possessions are photographs of people I love.
25. Pizza toppings should always include artichoke hearts.

I feel the need to point out that while I enjoyed this Facebook exercise immensely, I've been making random lists about myself for YEARS and categorizing them under "Lists I Made" here, on this very blog. Peruse the category archives, and enjoy! Or just feel sorry for me and my oversharing problems. I'm totes cool with either.

Definitely not a policewoman, think of those scratchy polyester uniforms

I remember the last time I uttered the phrase "I want to do x when I grow up" (where x=something amazing). I was in my 20s and out of college, working in a job that fit within my broadcasting degree options. By most accounts, I was already successful. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt ridiculous.

Except that I've never really felt like a grownup. Maybe that's because the older we get, the more we feel we have to achieve in order to not be stagnant. In terms of success, the sky's the limit, so I'll always have a long way to go.

I'm also a very different person than I was at 18, when choosing a major had more to do with a creative, engaging course load and less to do with how I might spend the rest of my life. I was on financial aid in college, so money was this exotic thing I didn't have and didn't really obsess over. I also never considered that the rather limiting television market would made it hard for me to just live anywhere, especially since I was graduating into a top market already (at the time, San Francisco ranked #5, behind New York, LA, Chicago, and Philadelphia. Dallas/Ft. Worth has since pushed us to #6). Did I want to move to one of the top 4 markets once I exhausted my options in San Francisco? I had no idea. I was just happy to be out of Sebastopol. Of course, now that the video landscape is changing so rapidly, I have a whole new set of rules to consider.

I think lots of people go through a similar "what does it all mean" period around the time they hit 30, which is right about when you have to stop claiming that you aren't a grownup yet. It's not that I don't like my career or that I feel unfulfilled, it's more of a "wow, I could have been a veterinarian" type of wistfulness. Sure, I could still do that, but I probably won't. Mentally I've missed my window.

But then I think about my dad, who, as a result of never getting a college degreee, suffered through a string of crappy jobs throughout my childhood. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore, so at age 45 he went back to school. And graduated with honors. And then became an elementary school teacher and really really loved his job. I'm sure he wished that he had taken the plunge 20 years earlier, but at least he was finally happy. In that sense, it's never too late.

Personally, I don't fantasize about teaching fractions to fourth graders, but there are a few careers I wouldn't mind pursuing somewhere down the road, such as:

1. Geographical Linguist
2. Travel Photographer
3. Tea Shop Owner
4. Acupuncturist
5. Cat Whisperer

What about you? Kind of a fun exercise.

Sarah's Random Question Game, Revisited

A couple years ago, I wanted to know more about all of you, so I created this game. It was fun. Let's have more fun. Per the original rules, please copy and paste the following questions into your comment post, but erase my answers and replace them with yours.

1. What's your favorite color?
Sorry, but that's a stupid question. I don't think that knowing my favorite color is green helps you understand me at all. Although I suppose it would come in handy if my birthday was coming up and you were mulling over the idea of buying me an article of clothing in cobalt blue, which I would accept graciously but then use as a dishrag.

2. If money was not a concern and you could pursue a single hobby for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A
photographer. With A+ Photoshop skills. I know that's kind of a bland
answer, but few things in life give me the level of joy that I feel
when I take a photo and it turns out amazing enough to evoke an
emotional response in others.

3. What's one physical thing you wish you could change about yourself?
Only one? What kind of brain teaser is this? Ok ok, if I had to choose just one, I'd get my nose fixed. It was broken many, many years ago, not attended to, and the cartilage healed rather asymmetrically. It never bothered me until my mid-20's when my face kind of settled in and got thinner. While I was on TV every day, I would occasionally get comments about my nose looking big or crooked, which helped feed my self-consciousness. But I'd rather spend my paycheck on a trip to Paris, so I think I'm stuck with it.

4. Sweet or savory?
Oh my, savory, though that's only in the last few years. These days I can do without ice cream, but not without soy sauce. If you cut me open, I'd probably be 65% salt water. And that's an unpleasant visual. Let's move on.

5. What's the dumbest show on TV that you try to watch regularly?
"The Hills" on MTV. Now I'm humiliated. I hope you're happy.

6. Do you have a favorite Bob Dylan song?
Gosh, you're playing hardball here. Once every few months, I'll dedicate some audio time to Bob, and a song that I haven't been paying much attention to will kind of stand out to me and I'll think to myself, "wow, this is a really fucking good song." See, I'll actually be cussing in my own head because I feel so strongly about it. At this moment, my favorites are 1) Idiot Wind, and 2) Abandoned Love. I think it's the lovelorn Dylan I enjoy the most.

7. Red or white wine?
Is it warm outside? Then white. Is it after dark? Then red. After a bottle of either I will no longer care.

8. What profession would you absolutely not want to try?
Aren't you ripping this off from Inside the Actors Studio? Anyway, I've thought about this at length already, and I definitely wouldn't want to be a city sewer worker.

9. How do you like your eggs?
Fried, over medium. Once served, they
must immediately be placed on top of two slices of sourdough and punctured with a
fork so that the slightly-hardened-but-not-fully-hardened-yolk seeps
into the bread below. Then they must be eaten with great gusto.

10. What, in your expert opinion, is the best word ever?
Since I discoverd wordie.org, I have a million new ideas, but my new favorite favorite is syzygy. That's a badass word. You can't even play it in Scrabble!