The Master Cleanse: Day Two

I'm feeling ok today. A little low on energy, but nothing too dramatic. Luckily, the last couple weeks I've cut down my green tea intake to a single cup in the morning, so there isn't much caffeine withdrawl to suffer through. Last night around 9 p.m. I almost caved and ate a waffle (nights have always been my snacking weakness), but I knew I'd feel like a loser afterward, so I drank my tea and went to sleep instead.

For those of you wondering what the Master Cleanse entails, here are the dirty deets:

• Night before first fast day: drink laxative tea before going to bed

Fast days 1-10:

• Morning - Mix 2 teaspoons of unrefined sea salt into 1 quart of warm water. Drink. Stay near a bathroom for the next hour.
• Throughout the day - Drink "lemonade" cocktail comprised of 16 oz filtered water, 2 tablespoons grade B maple syrup, 2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice, and a pinch of two of cayenne pepper. You can drink as many of these as you want, but making it is kind of a hassle, so I prefer to make two servings at a time.

• Night - laxative tea before bed.

That's all. Talk about saving money on food.

The salt water flush is mildly unpleasant to drink, so I've been chugging it down as quickly as possible, just to get it over with. I've read on the internet that people have the hardest time with this part of the fast. I don't blame them - it's like swallowing a quart of seawater. Still, doable. But I'm not kidding about staying near the bathroom.

The lemonade itself is actually yummy, and the cayenne pepper gives it a spicy kick. I'm supposed to drink at least 6 servings of the stuff throughout the day, along with lots of water. I had 8 yesterday, and only stopped there because I ran out of lemons.

Note to self: buy more lemons.

I miss eating, though, and it goes deeper than hunger pangs. I miss rich tastes and textures. I miss my friends that I'm avoiding because I don't want to be tempted by sushi or red wine. I miss treating myself to a handful of chocolate chips after vacuuming the house. I miss TV, which I've turned off to spare myself from food commercials. I miss watching butter fry on an iron skillet. I know this is all heavily psychological, but being without food is depressing.

Then again, it's just my second day. It's not like I have to say goodbye to food forever. I'm going to eat nachos again, and they're going to taste as good as I remember them. I've heard the first few days on the Master Cleanse are the hardest, which is why I chose to take advantage of the three-day weekend and not have to watch my co-workers slobbering over their super baby burritos and tuna melts. Come Tuesday, I hope the temptation to eat has waned considerably, otherwise I fear I might hurt someone.

The Master Cleanse: Day One

Fasting is exhausting. I'm halfway through the first day of what is supposed to be a ten-day fast, and my head is throbbing. I'm dreaming of tearing through a loaf of sourdough walnut bread. I want bread so bad it hurts. Oh, to chew, swallow, and digest! Thankfully, I really like my lemon/maple/cayenne cocktail, and I can have as many of them as I want.

I started the Master Cleanse in order to spend several days literally flushing my body free of food and toxins and see if some of my allergies lighten up. I've also always been curious about fasting and wanted to see if I could hack it. I have a huge appetite and love to eat... can I actually survive this?

I'm pretty sure I can survive the first day, but if the sourdough cravings continue tomorrow, I'm screwed.

RE: I'm pretty sure black beans are better for me than pinto beans, but still

Hi again New Spot Mexican Restaurant on 3rd/20th Streets in San Francisco's historic Dogpatch district,

20 minutes is just too long to wait for a super baby veggie burrito to go. It wasn't even crowded today. What are you guys doing back there? Nothing spoils my appetite like an unorganized kitchen. The spell has been broken. I am free.

Thanks!
Sarah

I'm pretty sure black beans are better for me than pinto beans, but still

Dear New Spot Mexican restaurant on 3rd/20th Streets in San Francisco's historic Dogpatch district,

I have an issue with your establishment. But not for the reasons you might think. Let me explain. See, I love Mexican food. Nachos are my idea of a perfect meal. Ask anyone. I know that this isn't your problem, but it's just that last week I starting working about half a block away from you. Once I became aware of your existence, I naturally felt it was my civic duty to sample your offerings. I chose what I thought was a relatively harmless "super baby burrito". You know, like a super burrito but not so big that I want to hibernate for seven years after eating an entire one. Obviously you know what I'm talking about - it's on your menu. Silly me! Anyway, the issue I have is that the super baby burrito is way, way too tasty (I always order the veggie/black bean version if that helps put things into perspective). In fact, I've eaten one every day since my first day on the job. It's troubling, New Spot Mexican Restaurant. Very troubling. I'm sort of afraid that I might not be able to NOT buy one tomorrow, too. And then the next day after that. For all eternity. Which, understandably, makes me a little nervous.

So I'm hoping you might be able to just refuse service to me when I come up to the counter tomorrow around 12:35 P.M.? Or better yet, lock the front door when you see me coming up the sidewalk? If I got all the way to the counter you might feel trapped and give in to me, because I can be very persuasive about ordering Mexican food if given the chance. So yeah, locking the door before I get in might be a better idea. I'm fairly easy to spot. I'm that rather small woman on her cell phone that's always sprinting toward your restaurant. I know it probably seems like I'm running FROM something, but in all honesty I'm just excited to eat.  If locking the door screws up your lunch rush, I totally understand. My next suggestion would be to just remove the "super baby burrito" option from your menu altogether. Then you don't even have to worry if you see me loitering about, because the issue will have already been disposed of.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation,

Sarah