The Master Cleanse: Day Seven

I'm sick of this cleanse. I want to eat. I want to chew and swallow. I want pasta. Beans. Cheese and crackers. Hell, I miss food so much I'd consider a piece of turkey. Whatever breakthrough I made early in the week seems to be receding, and fast. What's wrong with me?

The last two days I've had bouts of heartburn, presumably from all the cayenne pepper. I know Master Cleanse believers will tell me that it's just my body expelling toxins, but I'm not so sure. What if I'm just frying my organs? My itchy skin certainly isn't clearing up. And I don't know why I'm the only person who isn't "eliminating" solids, but that hasn't happened since I stopped eating seven days ago. I keep waiting for a big payoff, but I'm starting to think there isn't one.

I really don't want to quit, but I definitely don't want to feel this way for three more days. Sigh.

PS- Patty noted in the comments that someone must be posing as me again, since I said a long time ago that I wouldn't post in the comments anymore. Patty's right, I did say that. But I've changed my mind. I like being part of the conversation.

The Master Cleanse: Day Six

I had one less serving of lemonade today, which was a relief, because I'm getting tired of squeezing lemons. Today was a bit of a challenge. Someone stocked our office kitchen with microwave popcorn and the smell almost drove me insane. If there's one food I like almost as much as nachos, it's popcorn. Life is so cruel.

Dramatics aside, I'm fine. I miss food terribly, but no real issues to speak of. I've lost a few lbs and my face is starting to look gaunt, though I'm sure I'll plump right back up once I start bathing in sourdough rolls and brie again. I have to say that my "food" allergy (itchy skin, gets flushed easily) hasn't disappeared at all, which leads me to think that it's not actually food that's the culprit, but something else entirely. Great. I know I have four days left, but I was hoping for more results by now.

Oh, and for those of you keeping track, still negative on the eliminations. Booooooring.

The Master Cleanse: Day Five

I'm halfway done! It's no longer a challenge mentally, but I'm starting to get a bit bored avoiding all social activity that involves food and/or drink. I feel a little left out when everyone else goes to lunch, or goes on a cookie run, or even hints at going across the street to the wine bar. I know I could take my self-control up a notch and join them, lemonade in hand, but it's not quite the same. Besides, being in a restaurant might send my head spinning, since my sense of smell is off the charts. I'm literally smelling the neighbor's food as I type this. And they aren't barbecuing.

Without getting too graphic on this prim and proper blog, I'm not exactly experiencing the... err... eliminations that other people seem to have on the cleanse. Am I to believe that my pipes are just naturally spotless? Or is the best yet to pass? Eww, sorry. I'm running out of material. Can it just be day 10 already?

The Revision3 Gazette Launches Today

Big heads up that my company, Revision3, just launched a new weekly show starring yours truly! It's called The Revision3 Gazette and it goes behind the scenes of our humble, yet mighty, operation. The show is currently only available to Revision3 upgraded members. You can find out more about membership here.

The Master Cleanse: Day Four

I had an especially stressful day at work today, almost as if the gods felt I deserved to suffer for getting Labor Day off. That said, my Master Cleanse progress continues to go well. I was really worried that I'd get to work and freak out or break down or throw a lemon at someone, but I didn't. I did, however, manage to spill enough maple syrup on my brand-new desk that ants will probably be drawn to it for the duration of my employment.

I definitely wasn't hungry at all today. I saw someone eating a cookie and it depressed me briefly, but the moment passed. I'm finding that a total of seven servings (112 oz.) of lemonade and lots of water in between easily gets me through the day. Yes, I have to pee every 2.5 minutes, but at least I'm satiated. I'm throwing lots of cayenne pepper in there, too, just to make things interesting. It pays to like spicy food when fasting. And I'll take all the entertainment I can get.